Cocktail Onions

Blockbuster Run: “I Love You, Beth Cooper”

So... Amidst my margarita-filled Christmas Eve night with the family, it was brought to my attention that a variety of family members actually read my blog quite consistently. I often become discouraged to write in here when it feels like the auditorium is full of empty seats, but now I declare I shall continue my little cocktail onion excursion. With my impending holiday in Florida approaching, I need to spend today indoors (and as clothes-less as possible) in order to preserve my fresh new ...

Lady Gaga’s Christmas Album and other fun parodies

There's a collective dream among Lady Gaga fans that she'll one day put out a Christmas album. Sure, she already teamed up with Space Cowboy to give us the quirky and naughty "Christmas Tree," but I want a full-fledged album full of raunchy Gaga fun. In the meantime, we can enjoy this parody video of what a Lady Gaga Christmas album may be like, with such classics as "LoveSleigh," "Bad Snowmans," and "Ho-Ho-Hoker Face." In other news, my boss (Miss Yetina Octavia Dubois Harris Hyphen J...

This is my new boyfriend…

... and he's not even real. Damn, CGI technology is getting sexier every day. This is a "Male Hyur" from the in-development Final Fantasy XVI which I honestly have no interest in since it's another MMORPG, but I decided to peek at some promotional artwork when I stumbled upon this polygonal hunk of an imaginary man. And the moment I saw him, I knew he had to grace the wallpaper of everything I own that's wallpaper-able. Does that make me pathetic that I'm crushing on a fake man?

With Mega Man 10, Capcom reminds us that they don’t know when to quit.

UPDATE 12/12/09: Thanks to The Mega Man Network, we've got more details. Head on over for all the details, as well as an image of another Robot Master known as Commando Man. The article also notes that there won't be a female Robot Master this time around, obviously because Commando Man is emitting an excessive amount of manliness. Well, it's definitely not ground-breaking by any means, but after the lazy travesty that was Operate Shooting Star, it's nice to have a Mega Man title to look forw...

Nickelodeon “Jingle Bells” Promo

You know, maybe I am a kid. But I absolutely love all of the "kids" who star in this current generation of Nickelodeon sitcoms: iCarly (no surprise), True Jackson VP, The Troop (with its early-90s CGI effects)... hell, I'm even developing an affinity for the metro-sexual farting boys of Big Time Rush, and will probably love DanWarp's new lovechild, Victorious. ('Should also mention that I have an unhealthy crush on The Troop's David Del Rio (who plays Felix)... with all his sexy cross-eyed-ne...

What’s better than “iQuit iCarly”?

Nothing at the moment. This was easily the best episode in the entire series to date. (And it accomplished this without ANY love triangle drama with Freddie, as a matter of fact.) However, Dan Schneider isn't wasting any time gearing up for the FIFTH iCarly faux-movie premiere in January: "iSaved Your Life." And with good reason... These "movies" rake in more viewers than any normal-length episodes. And personally, I feel the show works better with a 60-minute run-time. There's just so much goin...

And now my contribution to the community… A few words on HIV testing.

I know I usually write about my raging nerdisms, but I discovered a very cool little service my neighborhood does for the community today that I wasn't aware of in the past, and I think it would be beneficial for others to know about this little innovation (who may be just as out-of-touch as I was). If there's one thing I support (and you should too), it's safer sex. Now, sex is awesome. I fully support everyone getting their rocks off to their hearts' content. And even though wrapping it up ...

Ever wanted to help greased-up flamboyant bodybuilders squeeze through tight holes?

Well now you can! *thumbs up* (But not in the way my absolutely appropriate and in no-way suggestive title portrays. Friggin pervert.) It's called Muscle March. It's a WiiWare game by Namco Bandai. (You can see the Katamari influence, can-chya?) It's basically a gay little adventure where a football jock steals some protein powder from some flamboyant body builders, and they must chase after him through the city in their speedos. As the football jock tackles his way through walls (leaving ho...

Let’s get geared up for “iQuit iCarly”! This Saturday!

I love the insanity that is iCarly. I'm jealous of today's youth for having such high accessibility to this kind of A/V fun. Yes, I know they're actors, but if you've ever been to YouTube, you know kids do shit like this all the time (including my little brothers). And let's not miss "iQuit iCarly" airing this Saturday at 8 PM EST. DanWarp is promoting it as a pretty big deal.

Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition is orgasmic

Update 2: OK, so upon researching some more, I got some more tidbits to share. Basically, each download pack will also include some extra figurines to go along with the new character models. Furthermore, the extra Mercenaries characters are so far too-good-to-be-true. According to the official Japanese site, the two costumes available in the first Costume Pack are Warrior Chris and Folklore Sheva. And the first two Mercenaries characters to get confirmed? ... Warrior Chris, and Folklore Shev...